MARCH! And PIZZA HIGH!

Well, March came in LIKE A LION and I started it off by being MAD AS A MARCH HARE!

I went to counseling on Friday. It was the most painful thing I've ever done. I had to tell him my worst fear, I had to tell him those things. I had to say two words and then I said the first word, and I was about to say the second word when suddenly, I start shaking and I felt like passing out and it was hard for me to breathe, and bottom line: I physically cannot say some words without having a panic attack.

However, the counselor was nice and didn't say any triggering words, and he told me a technique to help banish those Thoughts that hurt me so much.

He said I have obsessive thoughts. So it's not really PTSD. It's obsessive thoughts, and I may have OCD which is okay with me.

I am feeling HIGH right now because after we did the counseling, my mom was nice and bought me a Pepperoni Calzone (for those who don't know, it's like a pizza, but with more crust) from this place I love and it was SO delicious. I meant, after the first or second bite, I was just transported to this HIGH place and I knew that not even cutting could give me this high that the pizza gave me. If the pizza place put some drugs in there, that would make sense, but either way, I am feeling GOOD. I am just in this great mood because I had that absolutely delicious (and probably bad for me) calzone that is SOOO AWESOME.

If anyone on Earth is depressed, you cannot kill yourself without trying this guy's calzone first. You have to live before you die, and you haven't lived until you've eaten pizza or a calzone from this guy's place.

Well, I will refrain from driving everyone crazy with my talk of how AWESOME that pizza is, and how high I feel right now (I haven't cut since Thursday!), so... that's all! I only have 20 more pages to edit until I'm finished with the second draft of Linda's Chronicles! YAY.

Things I have to do with the third draft:

• add more Rospian civil war stuff
• fix the continuity errors that are sure to exist after the way I killed Ferdinand (well, I didn't kill him myself)
• decide at last whether or not Linda will cut herself because I don't think kids can handle THIS MUCH in one book. I can't put everything in this book. I will write other books.
• add more stuff about Lillian and Napoleon. I do think that mothers write more about their children than Linda does. I have never watched a baby grow up. I don't remember things about when I was little (my memories start as a two year old, but they don't become regular until I'm five)
• figure out more about how Elizabeth dies (anyone who knows who Elizabeth is, you are going WHAT? WHEN DOES SHE DIE?! so don't stress out)
• Add more about 'Lady Coulton' (Yes, JoCo fans, she is named for him. My sister made me do it. I was opposed to it, but she made me do it!)
• decide whether to finish up the smallpox issues, delete smallpox entirely, or what
• make final decisions about references to swearing, sex, and violence. The thing is, all of those things are in it, but most sex references are rather Victorian, with the exception of Countess Barbara (BTW the word sex never occurs in the story) , swearing is completely absent except for describing when it happened (it gets censored in one funny scene), and the violence is minimal, although if it were a movie, the violence would probably be pushed to PG-13. I guess the violence, I don't need to worry about. There is not excessive violence, but I wouldn't let a five year old read it because of the violence. The sex references are minimal and anyone over the age of 8 should be fine reading it. Swearing, well, kids are learning swears younger and younger, so they can put in whatever words they want for the censoring. Most of the swearing is, "he swore when he missed" or "I swore at him" or it was in a language that Linda doesn't know, so she didn't put the words in. The swearing, if you uncensored it, would be rated PG at worst except for the censored conversation which I don't know enough weak swears to put in the "long string of words I didn't know". That would probably push up the rating to PG-13. So, guys, this book is for kids no younger than 8. Seriously, I would let MY seven year old read it unless we had already had The Talk, s/he knew swears already (but s/he didn't say them), and he understood that violence is to be kept in books and on TV and that's it. (no, I don't have a seven year old, and I won't until I am at least 25 I think)
• Decide who to finally kill, who to cut out entirely, get some characters in there more, and get some characters out less, more dialogue in between the PWNSOME dialogues I have every once in a while, and that sort of thing.

Bottom line, folks, this book will be getting some serious work done on it before I think about publishing.

I would put an estimate as to when I start sending it out to publishers in 2009. I think I can have the work I need done by 2009. Maybe mid or late 2009. I am just trying to get it published by 2012 so I can run into my English class some day in 11th or 12th grade and say, "MR/S. SO-AND-SO, MY BOOK IS GOING TO GET PUBLISHED" and then my English teacher will have a REAL AUTHOR in their class! I will give all of my English teachers from sixth grade onwards a copy of the book. I know at least one of them is looking forward to it. I wonder who else I will want to give a copy of the book to... I know a few friends, of course, and there's my family and... a lot of people!

Well, my crazy fantasies of publishing a book are kinda premature right now, so let's get back to Earth and say that I need to do my homework.

I'm glad it's just Math and some *ugly* Social Studies, although social studies is INCREDIBLY EASY. Usually.

I kind of wish I liked Math better. I could be a math student, a mathematician if I wanted to, but I am a writer first. I think it's actually harder when you CAN do so many different things. You have to choose what to do. Most people are good at one thing, and that's what they do in life. But I am good at a lot of things (not sports or anything physical, though), so I have to choose. I want to be a geneticist, lawyer, politician (after I'm a lawyer), writer (that's the first thing I'm going to be), and so many other things.

I don't want to be an astronaut. That's one of the few things I don't want to be.